Me? Anxious? No Way! Umm...Apparently So.

So apparently even I, one of the most laid backed people you will probably know, gets anxiety.

For the past couple of days, I have had this weird breathing where I can't seem to catch a breath every so often. I have had this in the past but it never lasted that long. Only about a night. I feel like I have to yawn to get a full breath in. I was worried that I was having a reaction to the metformin because one of the RARE side effects is lactose acidosis where lactose builds up in my blood. The metformin I guess messes up the function of my liver where it can't get rid of the lactose.  This has been going on for about four days. Instead of calling my doctor. I ignored it. Why! Why would I do this!!

Finally, today while driving to work, I couldn't take it anymore. I turned around, went home and waited until I could call my doctor. In the mean time, I googled my breathing symptom because it didn't quite match up to the lactose acidosis symptom. This calmed me down some. The nurse confirmed that it sounded like anxiety since I had this before. She also said you can be anxious without even knowing it.

I guess I'm more stressed out about this PCOS than I thought. I just need to relax...but not in order to get pregnant. I need to relax for my own mental health. This is my own thing I am going through and I need to realize that one month of metformin won't cause me to get pregnant. I just have to wait for it to take effect. Relaxing meanings, I need to realize that I'm not in control. I can't will my hormones to level out. No amount of relaxing will change my hormones enough to make me ovulate. Only time and medication will do that. When my hormones aren't out of wack, then maybe I'll get pregnant.

Infertility is a disease. Try telling a cancer patient they should just relax. If you have said "Just relax" before, don't feel bad. You didn't know. And frankly, if you haven't really TRIED to get pregnant (and also had problems trying), you don't what it's like. Try waiting each month, hoping you don't get a certain visit because you have been waiting, hoping, to be pregnant because it's something you want. Something you didn't think you wanted.

I just have to calm down to control the anxiety, let go of the pressure I am putting on myself and let go of control of my uterus. Oh and maybe call my doctor sooner when I have a problem!