Infertility - 2, Lee&Whit - 0

I heard back from my doctor's office about Lee's test results. Low motility. Lazy lil bastards! Not only do we have to deal with womanly infertility but now we possibly have to deal with manly infertility too. My doctor wants him to retake the test in a couple of weeks to confirm the results. If the results are the same, he has to go to a urologist to get checked out.

After I hung up the phone, I went numb. I wanted to fall apart. I used to hate crying but now I guess you can say I have embraced it. It relieves my stress, lets me get out some frustration and it doesn't mean I'm weak at all. The last thing I need is to have another anxiety attack. That one a couple of months ago was my first and my last! I will gladly cry then deal with that mess. I was at work though and I didn't want to have an awkward moment with my boss so I managed to hold it back. 

I told Lee the results when I got home and as usual he was calm about it. Surprised but calm. When I told him  that I almost broke down at work. He told me we still have to retest so I shouldn't get worked up about it. Sometimes I want him to be as worried as much as I am. I guess because I feel like if he worries like I do, he wants a baby really bad. But then that would leave two nervous people and we don't need that! And how he reacts to stress is no indication his desire to have a baby by any means. I'm thankful for his calm demeanor because it keeps me grounded with this whole situation and my usually laid back self needs that.  

Yeah this possible situation sucks but then I got to thinking. Before we found this out, if I wasn't pregnant by May (that marks the 1 year of trying to conceive which means infertility), I would have been put on fertility drugs for who knows how long. But now with possible lazy swimmers, what is the point of trying the "natural" way with fertility drugs if they can't reach the egg in the first place. Does that mean we can just bypass the "natural" way and go straight to in vitro fertilization (IVF)? That cuts out who knows how many months of trying!

The specific procedure that would be done is called intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICPS). During regular IVF, a woman's eggs (after she has taken some drugs to cause her to produce many eggs) are removed from her ovaries and put into a petri dish. The sperm is add to the petri dish to fertilize the eggs outside the body (in vitro). The strongest looking fertilized egg is transplanted back into the woman in hopes that the result will be a successful pregnancy. In the case of ICPS, a single sperm is injected into the egg instead of allowing the sperm to do it themselves. That is your health lesson for the day :)

Maybe there is a silver lining in all of this (possible) male infertility...

Weigh In: 3/15 Mini Goal #2 Met

I have met one of my goals! I am under 220 pounds. That brings my total weight loss to 37 pounds!! Only 43 pounds until my goal. I tried on my summer clothes and out of 12 pairs of capris/shorts, I only kept 3 pairs and 2 of those were for yard work. I went through other pants and I'm getting rid of 18 other pairs of pants. Wow that is a lot of pants! I should have given them away a long time ago. But some of them I was saving so I could fit into them when I lost weight. Surprise! Surprise! When I tried them on and they were too big! Since I don't have anymore summer stuff, I'm going to go shopping this weekend. I'm only going to buy a few basic things since I plan on losing more. Maybe if I like something enough, I will buy the smaller size. When I reach my goal, I plan on going all out with shopping!

Weight - 219 pounds
Waist - 44 inches
Hips - 44 inches
Bust - 50 inches
Band - 41 inches

Happiness Despite the Malfunctioning Ovaries

Lately on my commute into work, I have noticed that I have this sense of calming happiness. Despite dealing with the emotional roller coaster ride of infertility, I am truly happy. How can I not be though? I have an amazing, supportive husband. I have a great family, both immediate and all of my in-laws. And I have to say, I lucked out in the in-law department after hearing some of the stories from friends about theirs. I have a job that I enjoy with a company that really looks after its employees. I have friends that after hearing about my infertility, are sympathetic to my situation and want to know more about infertility. The bonds between some of my current friends have grown stronger and I have reconnected with some old friends that have gone through similar situations. I am losing weight and getting healthy. I feel awesome. I'm loving the way I look. Then I can't forget my two pups. They always seem to know the exact time I need some cuddles.

I guess this happiness is the reason why I want to participate and/or donate to some charities lately. I started a Relay For Life team to raise cancer awareness for the June 1st relay event. My mom and my grandmother are cancer survivors so I wanted to help raise awareness. I am going to start using my couponing skills to get some items really cheap so I can donate them to a local domestic violence charity. I'm even considering volunteering for their after school tutoring program. It was very important to me to better myself so I didn't have to depend on my husband/boyfriend and feel trapped in a bad relationship (in the event I was ever in one) because I had nowhere to go. I wanted to pay it forward and help victims and their children start over.

All in All. I'm pretty happy. Now if only the ovaries would get in gear..

3/1 Weigh In

I have officially lost 30 pounds! Just 50 more to go until my goal weight. Friends and I are having a little weight loss competition so we can all get skinny for the cruise we are going on. I have to lose 35 pounds by August 31st. That's six months to lose 15% of my current body weight. It's only 10 pounds away from my final goal. When I reach that, I will have lost 30% of my starting body weight :)

Here are the numbers. I'm starting to think I should measured my true waist and not just around my stomach. Oh well.
Weight - 225 pounds
Waist - 45 inches
Hips - 44 inches
Bust - 50.5 inches
Band 41 inches