I guess I need to do a recap since I have been MIA during my whole pregnancy. When you are trying to get pregnant or are pregnant, you hear everyone's pregnancy horror stories. "I had morning sickness everyday!" "I couldn't eat (blank), it made me so sick!" For me, it was easy. I had morning sickness for exactly one week. No foods made me sick. I only had an aversion to smelly veggies and asparagus tips (because of the texture) during my first trimester. I remember during one meal, I turned down meat with my mac n' cheese because I didn't feel like chewing. During my last two months, I got gestation diabetes. I had to test my blood sugar and watch my diet. The diet wasn't that hard because I was pretty much was following the diet already. I just had to move around when I had certain foods because they spiked my blood sugar, mainly having milk in the morning. Other than that, it was a really easy pregnancy.
Thanks to being 5 centimeters dilated when I went to be induced at 39 weeks, my labor and delivery was a breeze! It was also a breeze thanks to an epidural :) I was in labor for 6.5 hours and after only 22 minutes of pushing, our positively, absolutely beautiful daughter was born at 12:45 pm and weighed 6 lbs 7 oz at 20.5 cm long. Lee was awesome in the delivery room. He knows me well enough that I didn't need him to fuss over me. He knew when I needed him and when I didn't. And I got what I wanted out of him during the delivery. To see him tear up a little when Lil O was born. I was surprised I didn't cry when she was born but I was probably too caught up in the craziness of the delivery room. But the crying came much later in our recovery room the next day. They had taken Lil O to check her vitals, leaving Lee and I in the room. He had made a geeky comment on my Facebook page how I unlocked a mom achievement (video game reference). I gave him a kiss and a hug. That is when it all sunk in and the waterworks started for both of us. I was a mom and he was a dad.
I guess this blog will now turn into my domesticated journey into parenthood but never forgetting where we started with our short journey with infertility. We plan on having another child so we will see what happens there in a few years.
Now, for the toughest parenting decision I have had to make...so far.
Now Lil O is 2 months old and she has been a pretty easy, happy baby. Everything has been pretty easy except breastfeeding. When people asked me if I was going to breastfeed or formula feed, I proudly told them "breastfeeding of course" since I knew the benefits of breastfeeding for both mom and child. You always hear about the benefits but you never hear that it can be hard! I tried and tried the first day and night at the hospital but Lil O didn't seem to get it. After seeing the lactation nurse the next day, I found out that my nipples are flat which makes it harder for the baby to latch on. She gave me a nipple shield to help Lil O latch on better and set me up with a breast pump to "draw the nipples out." I kept at it but it still didn't seem to work. Then at 2 am with Lil O crying because she was hungry since she couldn't get anything from me, we decided to give her formula. I felt so relieved and I'm sure she did too.
It was a relief to be home from the hospital. No more people coming in your room to take your blood at all hours of the night. I continued to try to breastfeed with the nipple shield but it wasn't happening. Lil O would just get frustrated causing me to stress out because my baby was hungry and frustrated because I couldn't do what women have been able to do so easily for hundreds of thousands of years.
Determined to give my baby breast milk, I decided to exclusively pump but that didn't relieve any stress. I was in a constant loop of pumping, feeding, and washing pumping equipment. Pump, Feed, Wash. Pump, Feed, Wash. Even if I was ready to venture out into the world again, I couldn't because I was tied to my pump. I was pumping every 3 hours since Lil O was feeding every 2-3 hours. I decided if I was going to be able to function, I had to change how often I pumped. I pumped every 4 hours which then turned into every 6 hours when Lee went back to work after being off for 6 weeks.
Pumping every 6 hours worked out well. I was able to venture out in public, visit friends, and grocery shop between pumps. I didn't have to wake up in the middle of the night to pump in addition to feeding Lil O so I got more sleep. It was always in my mind when I had to pump next and when I had to feed her. Dreading the times when they would overlap. I kept attempting to breastfeed. Hoping that she would take because that would make things so much easier. I wouldn't have to do double the work anymore. I wouldn't have to worry about having to rush home to pump or make sure I brought my pump with me. I could just pop out a boob. Problem solved. Happy, full baby and no more engorged boobs.
But after 1.5 months, pumping had taken its toll. I started to hate pumping but I kept doing it because it was what was best for Lil O. I started thinking about going back to work. How was I going to deal with pumping and getting myself and Lil O out the door? I knew pumping at work wouldn't be a problem since I have my own office. But what happens if I had to go sampling? Field work is stressful enough trying to make sure you collected all the samples you needed before the day ended. How was I going to fit in pumping. Let's not forget that I would be dealing with contaminated groundwater. I would be so stressed that I contaminated my breast milk!
This week, after almost 2.5 months of pumping, I came to a decision. Originally, I was going to work down to pumping every 12 hours. It would help with my work schedule and that way Lil O would at least get some breast milk and they say some, no matter the amount, is better than none. I researched if it was possible and some people said they had done it and some said they noticed a decrease in supply. I noticed I was the latter. I thought it was going to take some time to notice a decrease but for me it happened pretty quickly. I wasn't pumping as much as I did and I noticed it had a more watery appearance which couldn't be good to satisfy Lil O's hunger. I made the painful decision to stop pumping. Besides the freezer stash I have, no more breast milk for Lil O. Yes, I could go back to pumping more often but that would mean going back to a stress filled day. But what would I rather give my daughter? A stressed out mom who was always worried about giving her daughter what was best for her or do I give her something else that is best for her...a mom.
